Drove home from the yard today after my lesson in tears, with Bruce Springsteen on the CD player. It is always Bruce at times of great joy or sadness his music has been the background track to my relationship with the man who is now my husband. Today was one of those days that you'll remember for a very long time and the tears were good tears because today I'd had one of those game changing revelations and was overcome with the enormity of what I'd discovered.
It may turn out that it isn't *the* key to my confidence, but it is part of that journey and right now I think it is a large part.
Previously on Planet Alexis I've had times when things have felt sublime and time slows down and my confidence daemons are squashed and buried in a corner and everything seems possible. But I've never really known what makes for this feeling and thus how to reliably recreate it.
Today I have found a key and I'm overwhelmed with the possibility.
The key is something I call connection by which I'm not talking about 'over the back' in fact I find it hard to put into words but it is me and Chorrie there together in the moment and on the same side enjoying a partnership. It is a mental and physical connection. Time slows down and I can think but not about the 'what ifs' but plan, prepare and execute. I suspect others may recognize it as being similar to what athletes call 'being in the zone'
It was Clare who helped me find it and the odd thing is when I have it I'm confident, it was there hiding in plain sight I just needed someone to see it too and point it out to me. It is why my right rein has always been a more confident rein than my left but now I have tools to connect us on the left rein too and now I know what 'it' is; I know what I need to get to feel that way again.
I rode round the arena with 'connection' and whilst on the intellectual level I knew it wasn't the best trot we could produce, emotionally it was the best trot on Chorrie of my life because I now had the tools to reproduce the feeling.
World domination is but a step away :-)